Evil doesn't die, it never dies. It just takes on a new face, a new name. Just because we've been touched by it once, doesn't mean we're immune to ever being hurt again. Lightening can strike twice. No matter how careful we are, evil knows how to find us. It knows where we live.
How often are we faced by fear of the unexpected, fear of the past, fear of the unknown...
Awele thought to herself as she prepared herself for bed that night.
It's been almost three years since it happened..
Since she was forced into womanhood, without her consent.
Without her approval.
Living for her now, was a routine.
One filled with hate, fear, nightmares...
At night, even after all locks and blinds were in place,
Even after she was within the four walls of her flat,
She was still uneasy, scared, paranoid.
The night was cold, and try as she could, sleep somehow managed to evade her.
She got out of bed and paced round her room. Her mind blank, unable to register anything, filled with incomprehensible thoughts.
Suddenly she stopped, she thought she heard a noise. She rushed to the window and peered outside,
Staring into the dark.
Seeing nothing.
Stepping away from the window after a short while, she let out a nervous laugh. Admonishing herself for being so fearful.
Thinking to herself that it's just her mind playing tricks on her.
A short while later, she heard the sound again. Noises of people trying not to be heard.
They're here finally.... She thought to herself.
How'd they get in? She asked herself.
Even though she was sure that everywhere was secure..
Suddenly she felt a deep suffocation at her own security.
She felt trapped. Her heart began to pound so fast that she could feel it against her breast.
Thinking of her pistol, her only friend and companion that she frequently slept with.
She rushed to her bed,
Picking up the shiny metal.
She released the safety with shaky hands, and jumped as it clicked.
Enveloped in fear and breathing heavily,
Her unsteady hands, unable to hold the gun straight.
She began to creep towards the sound she had heard.
'Im not going down this time, not without a fight' she thought to her self.
The silence was eerie, and in the dark she could barely find her way.
She refused to turn on the light, for fear that it would make it easier for the intruder to locate her.
This was her house, she knew every angle, nook and cranny of it. And she was going to take advantage of that..
She heard the sound again, a different one this time. And she screamed and did not stop screaming as she felt something brush past her.....
11 November 2010
THE PAIN BEHIND THE FAME
Her dazzling smile and graceful walk overwhelmed all around her, and people, male and female alike could barely resist the urge to turn and stare as she floated past them.
She stepped in a way like her feet were not touching the floor.
Was she beautiful??
Oh yes!! She was breathtakingly so.. Her small sad eyes were soulful but had a mischievous glint to it and made it seem like she was always up to something.
Her full lips was every man's dream and her nose was small but pointed. The crown of hair on her head was glorious, and had been subjected to a lot of arguments that her full and rich hair was actually because of extensions. But alas! It was her hair.
She was petite and slim built, fragile yet strong looking. Her breasts were just the right proportion, and her hips, though slightly big, made her look like a sixteen year old, burning fiercely in childish maturity. As she walked by, the crowd cheered on, and even though she was struggling with an inner pain, she waved and touched and hugged as many people as she could.
She was nicknamed the people's princess because she was kind and cheerful. On this day, she was determined to live up to the name, pushing every other affair to the back of her mind, as she basked in all the attention ascribed to her.
That life seemed like decades away as Tola was abruptly jolted back to the present by the sound of the front door slamming on it's hinges.....
She stepped in a way like her feet were not touching the floor.
Was she beautiful??
Oh yes!! She was breathtakingly so.. Her small sad eyes were soulful but had a mischievous glint to it and made it seem like she was always up to something.
Her full lips was every man's dream and her nose was small but pointed. The crown of hair on her head was glorious, and had been subjected to a lot of arguments that her full and rich hair was actually because of extensions. But alas! It was her hair.
She was petite and slim built, fragile yet strong looking. Her breasts were just the right proportion, and her hips, though slightly big, made her look like a sixteen year old, burning fiercely in childish maturity. As she walked by, the crowd cheered on, and even though she was struggling with an inner pain, she waved and touched and hugged as many people as she could.
She was nicknamed the people's princess because she was kind and cheerful. On this day, she was determined to live up to the name, pushing every other affair to the back of her mind, as she basked in all the attention ascribed to her.
That life seemed like decades away as Tola was abruptly jolted back to the present by the sound of the front door slamming on it's hinges.....
12 October 2009
Coming out of the Closet II
everytime i remember the sight of sister Lisa walking in on me and Uncle Wale in the sitting room, with uncle Wale fucking me from behind, i cannot help but cringe in embarassment and shame. its a sight i wish to forget, yet it keeps creeeping up at the oddest places and times.
The previous day, my big sister and i had gone to the airport to pick uncle wale up. we were both excited at the prospect of seeing him. my secret lover, her fiancee. and it was all i could do to prevent myself from kissing him, there and then in the airport.
" brian you are now a big boy o!" he said. and even if he means my physical appearance, i blush at his comment as it begins to trigger lots of thoughts in my head.
AS i sit at the back seat of the car, listening to my sister and her hubby talk about his trip, i feel a pang of jealousy envelope me and i resort to blocking my ear with earphones listening to Dre's new album at it's highest volume, my thoughts wonders back to the day i first met uncle Wale.
I went to live with my sister as i had just finished my SSCE exams and was awaiting my results. Though he was just my sister's boyfriend then, i was obviously impressed by him as he obviously had everything going for him. Wale was extremely nice to me, taking me to all the posh hangouts and clubs in town. 12th of oct 2005 was the day that marked a new phrase in my life and the life of my uncle.
I had gone to stay in his place as my sister had travelled on a business trip outside the country, living with uncle wale was extreme bliss as we both visited exclusive clubs that night, i even almost hooked up with a girl.
"mehn... this is the life" i said to uncle wale on our way back to his apartment "i mean i'd do anything to live like this i continued in my drunken state.
Wale just laughed and patted my laps
The rest of the drive home was done in silence as i was already dozing off and Wale was lost in thoughts. Immediately we got home, i staggered to my bedroom as i was too high to do anything than crash.
What followed afterwards, i'd like to describe as weird and totally unusual. This is because all i could remember was wale coming into my bedroom naked with a huge hardon, that was all my head registered before i was forced to my knee by a huge blow on my head.
I blacked out only to come to the next morning to find myself lying butt naked on the floor, my clothes lying beside me in shreds. I could not fathom what had happened to me and the more i tried to remember, the more my head throbbed. I staggered into the bathroom and as i splashed water on my face, i beegan to recollest the events of the previous night.
Fear of the unknown gripped me as i rushed back to the bedroom and saw semen stain on the floor, my clothes and even my butt cheek. I was filled with fury, and in my blind stste of rage, i rushed into the sitting room naked, welding a pressing iron and looking for Wale to pounce on.
I found him in the sitting room, reading the papers and acting like nothing had happened.
"i thought you were going to sleep till tomorrow" he said not even glancing up.
i rushed to him with the iron intending to hit him with it, when he saw what i was about to do, he stood up immediately and tried holding me away from him, which resulted in a very tight struggle before he eventually overpowered me.
I began to cry like a child.
"uncle why?" i whimpered
"why what?, brian i like you alot"
"is that why you did this to me?" i wailed, i was begining to sound like a little girl who just lost her virginity without her consent and i hated myself for that.
"Brian you made me feel good last night"he said, leaving me to catch my breath "and im very grateful for that" he paused
i was still breathing heavily, but i knew i could not do anything to him as it was obvious that he was the stronger one
"remember when you said you'd do anything to live my kind of life,?" he asked
i nodded wondering where he was heading to.
"well...." he paused, walked to pick up his car keys "i'll give you whatever you want, im capable. but.... you have to keep what happened between us from your sister" he stopped again, letting that sink in
"im on my way to the club now, but i left 20,000 naire on the dining table, take it and replace the clothes i destroyedd. you know....... there's more where that came from, but..." he paused for emphasise "only if you do not say anything to anyone" with that, he walked up to me and kissed me full on the lip. i felt my dick rise. he withdrew, looked down, smiled, patted my dick and then he walked out of the house with a smug look on his face.
As i walked into the dining room, i could not help wincing because i felt some slight pain in my arsehole. "the bastard" i thought to myself.
After that day, it became a regular thing for my uncle to have sex with me. Weird but i felt good and always had an orgasm.
After my sister came back everything returned to normal or almost, and it was only on very rare occassions that Wale would steal into my room and have sex with me. i could not deny that i was jealous of my sister, though i never made it obvious. Wale on the other hand was very possessive of me especially whenever he saw me with other girls. Sister Lisa never suspected anything, on the contrary she took sides with him wheenever i got angry at him for insulting my female guests.
immediately we get home from the airport my sister and her fiance go into the bedroom and to avoid being jealoue i go out to see a couple of friends. i know they will not be down for a while and it is bit frustrating.
later that night after chrashing on the couch, i wake up to see Wale peering at me in the dark. we both smile, then he leans down and kisses me. bpfore long were both butt naked in the palour and he\s having sex with me.
we're both lost in the heat of the moment that we do not hear the bedroom door open and close, we do not hear the soft paddle of my sister's feet as she comes downstairs and we also do not her as she calls Wale's name on her way down.
only God knows how long she was standing there before she screams and faints. Wale is just about to cum and even the sight of my sister does not deterr him from accomplishing that feat. as she lays there on the floor, Wale roars in orgasm.
We both rush to my sister's side and when she comes to, she begins to cry. uncle wale knowing that it's no use leave the house that night
I never heard from him again and what happened was never discussed.
The previous day, my big sister and i had gone to the airport to pick uncle wale up. we were both excited at the prospect of seeing him. my secret lover, her fiancee. and it was all i could do to prevent myself from kissing him, there and then in the airport.
" brian you are now a big boy o!" he said. and even if he means my physical appearance, i blush at his comment as it begins to trigger lots of thoughts in my head.
AS i sit at the back seat of the car, listening to my sister and her hubby talk about his trip, i feel a pang of jealousy envelope me and i resort to blocking my ear with earphones listening to Dre's new album at it's highest volume, my thoughts wonders back to the day i first met uncle Wale.
I went to live with my sister as i had just finished my SSCE exams and was awaiting my results. Though he was just my sister's boyfriend then, i was obviously impressed by him as he obviously had everything going for him. Wale was extremely nice to me, taking me to all the posh hangouts and clubs in town. 12th of oct 2005 was the day that marked a new phrase in my life and the life of my uncle.
I had gone to stay in his place as my sister had travelled on a business trip outside the country, living with uncle wale was extreme bliss as we both visited exclusive clubs that night, i even almost hooked up with a girl.
"mehn... this is the life" i said to uncle wale on our way back to his apartment "i mean i'd do anything to live like this i continued in my drunken state.
Wale just laughed and patted my laps
The rest of the drive home was done in silence as i was already dozing off and Wale was lost in thoughts. Immediately we got home, i staggered to my bedroom as i was too high to do anything than crash.
What followed afterwards, i'd like to describe as weird and totally unusual. This is because all i could remember was wale coming into my bedroom naked with a huge hardon, that was all my head registered before i was forced to my knee by a huge blow on my head.
I blacked out only to come to the next morning to find myself lying butt naked on the floor, my clothes lying beside me in shreds. I could not fathom what had happened to me and the more i tried to remember, the more my head throbbed. I staggered into the bathroom and as i splashed water on my face, i beegan to recollest the events of the previous night.
Fear of the unknown gripped me as i rushed back to the bedroom and saw semen stain on the floor, my clothes and even my butt cheek. I was filled with fury, and in my blind stste of rage, i rushed into the sitting room naked, welding a pressing iron and looking for Wale to pounce on.
I found him in the sitting room, reading the papers and acting like nothing had happened.
"i thought you were going to sleep till tomorrow" he said not even glancing up.
i rushed to him with the iron intending to hit him with it, when he saw what i was about to do, he stood up immediately and tried holding me away from him, which resulted in a very tight struggle before he eventually overpowered me.
I began to cry like a child.
"uncle why?" i whimpered
"why what?, brian i like you alot"
"is that why you did this to me?" i wailed, i was begining to sound like a little girl who just lost her virginity without her consent and i hated myself for that.
"Brian you made me feel good last night"he said, leaving me to catch my breath "and im very grateful for that" he paused
i was still breathing heavily, but i knew i could not do anything to him as it was obvious that he was the stronger one
"remember when you said you'd do anything to live my kind of life,?" he asked
i nodded wondering where he was heading to.
"well...." he paused, walked to pick up his car keys "i'll give you whatever you want, im capable. but.... you have to keep what happened between us from your sister" he stopped again, letting that sink in
"im on my way to the club now, but i left 20,000 naire on the dining table, take it and replace the clothes i destroyedd. you know....... there's more where that came from, but..." he paused for emphasise "only if you do not say anything to anyone" with that, he walked up to me and kissed me full on the lip. i felt my dick rise. he withdrew, looked down, smiled, patted my dick and then he walked out of the house with a smug look on his face.
As i walked into the dining room, i could not help wincing because i felt some slight pain in my arsehole. "the bastard" i thought to myself.
After that day, it became a regular thing for my uncle to have sex with me. Weird but i felt good and always had an orgasm.
After my sister came back everything returned to normal or almost, and it was only on very rare occassions that Wale would steal into my room and have sex with me. i could not deny that i was jealous of my sister, though i never made it obvious. Wale on the other hand was very possessive of me especially whenever he saw me with other girls. Sister Lisa never suspected anything, on the contrary she took sides with him wheenever i got angry at him for insulting my female guests.
immediately we get home from the airport my sister and her fiance go into the bedroom and to avoid being jealoue i go out to see a couple of friends. i know they will not be down for a while and it is bit frustrating.
later that night after chrashing on the couch, i wake up to see Wale peering at me in the dark. we both smile, then he leans down and kisses me. bpfore long were both butt naked in the palour and he\s having sex with me.
we're both lost in the heat of the moment that we do not hear the bedroom door open and close, we do not hear the soft paddle of my sister's feet as she comes downstairs and we also do not her as she calls Wale's name on her way down.
only God knows how long she was standing there before she screams and faints. Wale is just about to cum and even the sight of my sister does not deterr him from accomplishing that feat. as she lays there on the floor, Wale roars in orgasm.
We both rush to my sister's side and when she comes to, she begins to cry. uncle wale knowing that it's no use leave the house that night
I never heard from him again and what happened was never discussed.
13 September 2009
Dunno what to call this
my heart skips a beat, with each sound of your name...
i sit each day thinking of you, of us...
im lost in your love
never felt feelings this intense...
the pounding of my heart....
a certain difficulty in breathing....
the unsteadyness of my fingers....
i long for you....
i long for your touch....
each beep on my phone sends shivers down my spine...
hoping it's you...
wishing it's you...
i really wish you were here with me....
almost cant bare that you far from me...
each day i replay....
every conversation we've had...
over and over...
sayin...
if only...
if only we both had not let various obstacles come into the way...
if only you had told me what you felt for me...
is this what it feels like to be loved, and to love in return?
is this what it feels like to really care for someone?
i count each day that passes by
im happy wit each day that goes by,
cus i know...
it draws me closer to you...
closer to your warmth
closer to your touch..
closer to seeing your face again..
you're the best thing that's happened to me...
these past couple of years...
hostility from people around...
just makes my love for you stronger..
unlike the titanic...
my love for you will never be sinkable...
you are my world,
you are my everything.
and i'll forever thank God for bringing you to me...
i love you........
i love you forever..
i sit each day thinking of you, of us...
im lost in your love
never felt feelings this intense...
the pounding of my heart....
a certain difficulty in breathing....
the unsteadyness of my fingers....
i long for you....
i long for your touch....
each beep on my phone sends shivers down my spine...
hoping it's you...
wishing it's you...
i really wish you were here with me....
almost cant bare that you far from me...
each day i replay....
every conversation we've had...
over and over...
sayin...
if only...
if only we both had not let various obstacles come into the way...
if only you had told me what you felt for me...
is this what it feels like to be loved, and to love in return?
is this what it feels like to really care for someone?
i count each day that passes by
im happy wit each day that goes by,
cus i know...
it draws me closer to you...
closer to your warmth
closer to your touch..
closer to seeing your face again..
you're the best thing that's happened to me...
these past couple of years...
hostility from people around...
just makes my love for you stronger..
unlike the titanic...
my love for you will never be sinkable...
you are my world,
you are my everything.
and i'll forever thank God for bringing you to me...
i love you........
i love you forever..
Coming out of the Closet
As i make up my mind to tell, i feel a certain chill envelope my whole being, i try to brace myself as i walk up to him, my boyfriend, the love of my life, that i've betrayed, cheated on. I call him dstracting him from the game on tv, and he answers, staring at me with this sweet endearing look in his eyes, my heart goes out to him and it's all i can do not to chicken out. "Dare" i say again "yes babe... the game's on of course i know that... i say in my head "i like girls" i whisper "what? can you say that again" "i said i like girls" so big deal" he says turning back to concentrate on his game. "you dont get" i say getting hysterical "what is it with you?" he asks obviously puzzled i know then that he dos not understand me and probably too self absorbed to even try to. should i tell him in clearer words or should i leave him to his man-ness? i argue within me. i mean things would
just be alot easier if i say nothing and let sleeping dogs lie. for a moment, just a moment, i decide to let things be. But that par of my head where my concience resides seem to have a stronger hold on me as i find myself telling him again this time slower and in less vague terms about my perference for girls. The look on his face is one i'll never forget. it was lik i had dealt him a huge blow in his groins with a two by four base ball bat. It was suprise first, then disgust, before hate. All in quick successions, and it was at that point i believed that truely there is a thin line between love and hate, and maybe, just maybe i had helped Dare cross that line. He stands up and attempts to walk past me and as i try to use my small frame to block his way, he pushes me, causing me to twist my ankle as i fall. I do not know what hurts most at that moment, the twisted ankle or the sabbing pain in my chest. Dare would never hurt a fly, or so i
thought. Guess i had pushed him to his limit, guess i deserve every for of pain my body is being subjected to. I manage to drag myself upstairs, not minding my throbbing foot but concentrating more on theexcruciating pain on my chest. maybe i should not have said anything, maybe i should have let things as they were. Why do i have to go and destroy something so perfect, so true and pure. Now im loosing the one person that made me understand whan it means to love, the only one i felt normal around. What have i done, i scream silently. I feel empty for the rest of the day and i cant help but wonder where Dare is, what he's doing to himself, who he's with...... while i sit and wait for Dare to return, i take a trip down memory lane and revive the sequence of events that got me on this path. I was just a teenager, a few years befor my twentieth birthday when i began to have these cravings to be with girls, i could remember that while my mates
would fantasize about famous male celebrities, mine was with the females. i knew i was not normal, my God it was obvious i was not. i would get turned on by asses and boobs and not by broadchested hunks. i had to have been born that way. then my fantasies were brought to reality by Bimbo. That day would forever remain the one significant day that changed my life for good. I was overwhelmed by the pleasures gotten from my escapades with her. It was like i had been shown a whole new world with lots of beautiful places and the free will to explore. it's been five years since the event with Dare happened. i never told anyone else about my preference and Dare was kind enough to keep my secret between us. Though myself and him would never be friends. And even as i pray to god every day to take away this abmormality, i know, deep within me that i'd forever remain a Lesbian.
just be alot easier if i say nothing and let sleeping dogs lie. for a moment, just a moment, i decide to let things be. But that par of my head where my concience resides seem to have a stronger hold on me as i find myself telling him again this time slower and in less vague terms about my perference for girls. The look on his face is one i'll never forget. it was lik i had dealt him a huge blow in his groins with a two by four base ball bat. It was suprise first, then disgust, before hate. All in quick successions, and it was at that point i believed that truely there is a thin line between love and hate, and maybe, just maybe i had helped Dare cross that line. He stands up and attempts to walk past me and as i try to use my small frame to block his way, he pushes me, causing me to twist my ankle as i fall. I do not know what hurts most at that moment, the twisted ankle or the sabbing pain in my chest. Dare would never hurt a fly, or so i
thought. Guess i had pushed him to his limit, guess i deserve every for of pain my body is being subjected to. I manage to drag myself upstairs, not minding my throbbing foot but concentrating more on theexcruciating pain on my chest. maybe i should not have said anything, maybe i should have let things as they were. Why do i have to go and destroy something so perfect, so true and pure. Now im loosing the one person that made me understand whan it means to love, the only one i felt normal around. What have i done, i scream silently. I feel empty for the rest of the day and i cant help but wonder where Dare is, what he's doing to himself, who he's with...... while i sit and wait for Dare to return, i take a trip down memory lane and revive the sequence of events that got me on this path. I was just a teenager, a few years befor my twentieth birthday when i began to have these cravings to be with girls, i could remember that while my mates
would fantasize about famous male celebrities, mine was with the females. i knew i was not normal, my God it was obvious i was not. i would get turned on by asses and boobs and not by broadchested hunks. i had to have been born that way. then my fantasies were brought to reality by Bimbo. That day would forever remain the one significant day that changed my life for good. I was overwhelmed by the pleasures gotten from my escapades with her. It was like i had been shown a whole new world with lots of beautiful places and the free will to explore. it's been five years since the event with Dare happened. i never told anyone else about my preference and Dare was kind enough to keep my secret between us. Though myself and him would never be friends. And even as i pray to god every day to take away this abmormality, i know, deep within me that i'd forever remain a Lesbian.
The Escavation of Innocence
No one dies the way they are born different events in life shape the nature of human existence. Is innocence the same as ignorance? both mean `lacking knowledge` but are of different origin and used in different context.
Personally i feel a point of innocence is reached when it becomes ignorance. but i cant help asking where the line is drawn. when does it all end?
is it when we begin socialization with the outside world?
when we've gotten canal knowledge of a person of the opposite sex?
or better still when we are no longer moved by the happenings around us.. whether good or bad?..
it's amazing to see a young person of an impressionable age full of life and experience, yet on the other hand we're faced with a grown human, knowing what is right, but just deciding not to go along that lane. i guess we'd most probably not waste time tagging this adult as an ignorant person while we'd see the young person as a well informed and matured fellow.
thinking over this brings us to the question... what defines maturity?.... is it one's way of life, attitude, association, knowledge, age, experiences? i for one do not believe that all these are underlying factors for the defination of maturity. answers to these are extremely difficult especially when i try to fathom where ignorance comes in.
going through a book a few days back, i was struck by a particular sentence the author made.. he said..`you grow up the day you have your first real laugh at yourself` `this stuff has nothing to do with maturity`... i thought to myself. `i mean i laugh at myself alot` but when i considered the words in the context being used by the author, i saw that it did make sense. it's obvious that it's not just about laughing at one's self literally, but about taking events and situations in strides, about viewing life as a two way journey, about being eager to take that journey, and forging ahead even when met with obstacles and road blocks. i saw that's it's about making mistakes and learning from them, about knowing that `Shit happens` and getting over it in order to move on. YEAH this definately describes what a matured person would do..
i've also come to understand that humans grow up only when they experience or are met with certain situations... everyone says experience is the best teacher, i'll have to agree wit this, cus in my opinion............ TO BE CONTINUED
Personally i feel a point of innocence is reached when it becomes ignorance. but i cant help asking where the line is drawn. when does it all end?
is it when we begin socialization with the outside world?
when we've gotten canal knowledge of a person of the opposite sex?
or better still when we are no longer moved by the happenings around us.. whether good or bad?..
it's amazing to see a young person of an impressionable age full of life and experience, yet on the other hand we're faced with a grown human, knowing what is right, but just deciding not to go along that lane. i guess we'd most probably not waste time tagging this adult as an ignorant person while we'd see the young person as a well informed and matured fellow.
thinking over this brings us to the question... what defines maturity?.... is it one's way of life, attitude, association, knowledge, age, experiences? i for one do not believe that all these are underlying factors for the defination of maturity. answers to these are extremely difficult especially when i try to fathom where ignorance comes in.
going through a book a few days back, i was struck by a particular sentence the author made.. he said..`you grow up the day you have your first real laugh at yourself` `this stuff has nothing to do with maturity`... i thought to myself. `i mean i laugh at myself alot` but when i considered the words in the context being used by the author, i saw that it did make sense. it's obvious that it's not just about laughing at one's self literally, but about taking events and situations in strides, about viewing life as a two way journey, about being eager to take that journey, and forging ahead even when met with obstacles and road blocks. i saw that's it's about making mistakes and learning from them, about knowing that `Shit happens` and getting over it in order to move on. YEAH this definately describes what a matured person would do..
i've also come to understand that humans grow up only when they experience or are met with certain situations... everyone says experience is the best teacher, i'll have to agree wit this, cus in my opinion............ TO BE CONTINUED
8 September 2009
Obsession now a Confession
Like a predator on a prey, it follows me around, almost catching up wit me, sometimes catching up with me.
it's a feeling that no matter how far i seem to run from, it keeps catching up with me, screaming in my face... you can run but you cant hide.. HA!!
Im puzzled, overwhelmed, intrigued, and most of all confused...
cus no matter how much i try to hide, i find myself enveloped in these cravings, feelings that i cant explain, figure out, just understand...
if only i can put a word to it, i'd feel so much better.
i feel so abnormal cus what i feel is far from normal,
it's spectacular, yet provoking. im not ashamed, yet im embarrassed.
im embarrassed that i seem to be the only one feeling these things.
im embarrassed that people will they me and probably ostracise as a pathetic, terrible and corrupt person.
yet im not ashamed, im not ashamed because when im filled with these feelings, i just let go and be me, the real me comes out and i feel nothing could ever get better.
then im forced to face the ugly truth in the real world.
im hunted by past pleasures and pains gotten from these feelings.
leave me alone i scream out, please leave me alone i beg like the hunted being chased by the hunter...
it's a feeling that no matter how far i seem to run from, it keeps catching up with me, screaming in my face... you can run but you cant hide.. HA!!
Im puzzled, overwhelmed, intrigued, and most of all confused...
cus no matter how much i try to hide, i find myself enveloped in these cravings, feelings that i cant explain, figure out, just understand...
if only i can put a word to it, i'd feel so much better.
i feel so abnormal cus what i feel is far from normal,
it's spectacular, yet provoking. im not ashamed, yet im embarrassed.
im embarrassed that i seem to be the only one feeling these things.
im embarrassed that people will they me and probably ostracise as a pathetic, terrible and corrupt person.
yet im not ashamed, im not ashamed because when im filled with these feelings, i just let go and be me, the real me comes out and i feel nothing could ever get better.
then im forced to face the ugly truth in the real world.
im hunted by past pleasures and pains gotten from these feelings.
leave me alone i scream out, please leave me alone i beg like the hunted being chased by the hunter...
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